"Maybe in a little bit."
"Why don't you go play something else instead."
A few months ago, I began to notice this trend of statements coming out of my mouth more and more often. So much so that it began to eat at me. As I would say one of these familiar lines, I would feel a monster of guilt crawl up inside and whisper to me, "be a better mom, time isn't going to slow down".
I started using some self talk to help me detach from what I was doing and pay more attention to the lovely faces in front of me. As the dismissing statements would start to make their way out of my mouth, I would say to myself, "what is my agenda". As in, am I saying "I'm busy" because I'm too focused on my work to set it aside a few minutes and spend quality time with my kids? Or is "why don't you go play something else" coming from a place of laziness and not wanting to actually get dressed for the day (summer vacation = pajama wardrobe, right?!) and go do something fun? Perhaps, "not right now" comes at a time where I am too focused on trying to get through my whole Facebook or Instagram feed and see all the updates because God knows I can't miss that. Do I even have a good reason?
Now, surely these statements are valid at times and my kids can learn patience and I deserve some mom time to be in Pj's and surf the net. But I had to take a hard look at why I was saying those things when I was and confront my own agenda.
"What is my agenda".
Those four words--as silly as it may be--have truly helped me to re prioritize everyday as a mom, because we all know it can be a daily struggle to be present for kids, spouses, work, friends, etc. That guilt monster tells a hard truth though--time doesn't slow down--life doesn't slow down.
I know I will never regret putting my phone down, going to the park, turning off the TV or playing in the sandbox with my kids. The flipside however of not doing these things and letting life steal time puts a pit in my stomach and scares the heck out of me.