How many of us go through our days and can easily dwell on all that goes wrong, stresses us out and what makes it a bad day?
My hand is raised.
I think it's easier for us pessimists out there to dwell in the deep. Because of the nature of my job, I am totally ashamed to say I am not an optimist at heart--but it is something that I consciously struggle to work though ever day...every hour even!
This week was a tough week and it tested me, pushed me and stretched me. Those are all very uncomfortable things to experience!
Being the first week back at school, it comes with its stresses. Everything is new again and passion for work trumps everything. Time. Energy. Family. Sleep.
Passion for work can even try to trump what you are physically and mentally able to do!
My passion is getting a little out of control and it's taking what I love into a very stressful and insecure place.
We all have our insecurities, right? Mine just happen to be most extreme in the workplace. (Though Curtis would beg to differ!) Maybe its working in two schools and feeling double pressure. Maybe its my need to perfect all that I do. Or maybe it's just the desire to please those around me. Insecurity is a doozy and when it creeps its ugly head, it will take you for a ride down to pessimistville and build a house there.
There are some really big and exciting things I get to help plan and be a part of in each of my schools and while my heart knows I have the ability to deliver and bust out some awesomeness, it's like my leadership skills (or lack there of) get stage fright and hide away.
Take for instance this week. I recently had a meeting with three very important and mind you, intimidating (in an awesome way!) staff/leaders in one of my buildings. We met to address some things that will be happening in the school and our ideas of how to make it great. Initially this is something that I voiced I would love to be a part of this year and help take on and here I am in the meeting as timid as a mouse and verbally contributing next to nothing. Where did my confidence go? My passion?
I left feeling like a fool and well, useless compared to them. Of course this had nothing at all to do with the other women and everything to do with me and my insecurities.
Why is it that God can provide me with awesome developing and planning skills, but yet I lack the leadership skills necessary to fully carry them out and show my abilities to my peers.
Give me a room full of kids, and I'll be good, but adults---no thank you. Hello insecurities!
It sure is a good thing we have a God full of grace enough to show us that when we choose to pursue happiness and joy, we can then rejoice in all of our circumstances---even the real yucky ones that make us feel like a nothing.
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess. 5:16-18)
Can I get an Amen?
Last week at a workshop we had a mental health professional come in and talk to us about anxiety in kids (do they not know I'm the posterchild for anxiety?!). She discussed a therapeutic technique to help make even the worst of situations seem not so bad.
1,000 things went well today. Or in other words, counting our blessings.
I woke up on time today....I had a nice warm shower...I got to choose a nutritional breakfast...my car started...I got some work done....I got to work on time....I don't have to do laundry today....and so on....
How simple it is that when we focus on the good and rejoice in everything, we are fulfilling God's will.
Yet, not easy.
I am praying that God will instill some more confidence in me as I carry out my work and that no matter the amount of passion, and no matter the insecurities I battle inside, I will rejoice and pursue happiness in all circumstances.